what the hell am i actually talking about?
I'm really feeling this overwhelming urge to start ranting about this thing that's been a pain in my ass but i wont. Because I'm just too tired. And i'll be a boring little girl with seemingly so many issues when really, i'm all fine. People are *finally* not making me so damn mad anymore. However, I really lost it this afternoon. I was being such a bitch to dan, even though he was just trying to make everyone less bored. So. I really have to take control of those psycho-bitch phases of my life. I'm really not a bad person. Just a confused girl. Then tonight. Well grr. I got really pissed. I just love it how a girl i used to be best friends with utterly despises me now because of who i hang out with, and how other people call me a slut and don't even know me and then how i have to come home and try to make sense of it. I just dont fucking care because I'm a happy girl and no one can screw that up. Well yes they can. Otherwise I wouldn't be writing about it. Cause its bothering me.

In other news. I know things aren't half as bad as im making them out to be. I think i've been away from school a litte to long. It's sort of stable, every day same old boring thing. but its a little comforting at times.

I've been having such trouble sleeping lately. I thought it was the woodpecker. then i thought it was silver, but i had this really disturbing dream this morning about a little boy being in a war then being brutally murdered and i woke up crying and ur not supposed to cry about some imaginary little boy in a dream. So. No more crazy late night/early morning snacks for me. Maybe Jay Leno was an evil influence on my exhausted brain last night. But sleep sounds really cool right now. Oh no. I missed 20/20. What a FUCKING shame. more crazy reports about crazy people. makes me feel a little more normal. which i suppose is true. at times. i need to go to bed. things will be nicer in the morning. unless that damn bird is back. I have no remorse if it gets shot in the head with something. maybe a squirrel can attack it with acorns.

now see. my thoughts are wrong. squirrels wouldnt want to waste their precious acorns.

Posted by Maleta at 11:25 p.m.