Involving one of my best friends, whom I regard as a sister, right now I feel like I'm a 'second-best' choice to her. We'll only hang out if it's set ahead of time, and it seems more like an appointment than hanging out with your closest friend. Does she even want to hang out with me anymore, or am I boring compared to newer things/people? I don't want to lose a friend. Or drift apart. I don't know what I should do.
So school is over for me. It sure as hell does not feel like it.
My eyes hurt. Contacts can be terrible at times.
I was sad tonight for no reason. Not even PMS. I just felt insecure with my conversations, like no matter what I'd say, I'd be questioned or proved wrong about something.
Also, I felt like Monica on 'Friends'. Way too competitive to be loved. I'm really not even like that. Am I? I don't even know what I'm like anymore, heh. It requires too much thinking and self analysis. I just want to paint pretty things and stop thinking.
My mom told me that she thinks pot smokers are probably the happiest people in the world. They don't remember much, therefore they don't care. Is that a type of freedom the rest of America isn't aware of? Kill off enough brain cells so you just don't give a flying fuck?
I'll watch others first, I don't think I ever want to do that to myself. I like most of my memories, dammit.
Posted by Maleta at 10:47 p.m.