confusion makes me worried
When it is absolutely wonderful outside, what is the point of nearly freezing sitting next to an air conditioning vent? There is no point. Yet, I'm doing it because Mom won't shut it off out of fear of humidity. I hear it's good for your skin, even if it makes it difficult to breathe.

Now, I'm not really sure if it's a good thing that most guys don't express their feelings or a bad thing. It's good because then there's always that "mysterious" hey what are they thinking about question, but bad because then no one ever knows what the hell is going on. I don't know why I care so much about what such people as Mike and TJ think of me, because alot of the time I'm not thinking of them, yet for some crazy reason it matters to me. Also, I do realize that they almost never think about me unless I'm standing there talking about irrelevant subjects, and even then it is most likely not much that they are thinking about me.

Ok. I really must drop that subject. It makes me seem a bit.um.psychotic? yes.

I recently discovered the diary Refusal which gives me hope about guys. He actually worries about things that I worry about, not just what I think typical males worry about. That is a very good thing.

I still cannot think about my future without going into a near panic attack. However, I sometimes have a lack of subjects to think about and that one always winds up pushing it's way into my mind and makes me paranoid.

So basically, I will go through the rest of my life worried about things that didn't yet happen and then die. However, when I am able to get that thought out of my head I am a relatively happy person that is optomistic and hopeful about my future. It's the bad things that worry me. And those bad things are inevitable, but everyone deals with them, so at least it won't be one of those things that no one knows what the hell you're going through or talking about.

Posted by Maleta at 3:02 p.m.