and people at work think i'm laid back and i don't give a shit. the truth is i give a shit. i just can't show i give a shit because then i'd just feel stupid. so i am not drop-dead gorgeous. but im too fucking lazy to be really pretty anyway. and what usually happens is that the males i like DO wind up liking me after they get to know me. but by that time i just want to either kill myself or become a lesbian.
and tonight at work there were these two guys that came in and i felt really out of it and wound up saying, "yeah i'm just talking to them because they're tall" (I talk like I'm high when I'm not high, and when I'm high I just listen to trains.) turns out one of the guys is soon going to be a manager at work and i was acting like a lazy ass moron.
i told this other girl that i would become a kick ass angry musician if only i had a rock kinda voice and could play some sort of instrument. instead it would be angry songs in a jewel-type voice.
i think the problem is that i simply don't want to leave my house without some sort of contract saying that i wont run into anyone that i don't want to run into.
when did i even get so angry? a previous "boyfriend" (you can't even call him that because there was a lack of caring on both sides) won't even talk to me because i'm apparently always bitching. i don't necessarilly like talking to him, but sometimes i wish i could just stop focusing on the negative things and just shut the FUCK up.
Posted by Maleta at 11:01 p.m.