Well ok. It's definitely been about realizing who my true friends are. And we can finally drive, but there aren't many places to go. School seems to be the most pointless thing ever and college is just around the corner so we know we'll all drift apart somewhat but yet we have to spend now until then together so it's a mixture of anticipation, resentment, happiness, and just utter depression. Alot of the times I just want to continue hating the people I've hated since 5th grade. But I can't because they aren't the same, and neither am I. They aren't even in my life, so they just amuse me. Instead I wind up hating some freshman because he just can't admit to being wrong. I wind up liking everyone at least once. EVERYONE. I swear. And sometimes I want to have sex, and sometimes the thought disgusts me, and sometimes (most of the time) I just want to smoke something and lie down in my comfy bed. But then I start thinking that I need to hang out with people more. And there are perfect moments, even perfect nights hanging out with these people. And at work, I feel like hell but get to know this one kid who is really great to me for some reason and I know I'll miss him in the future. I take a lot of unresolved anger out on my family, and I love them so much for putting up with it and not kicking me out on the street. And I've read alot this year. Nothing pleases me more than talking about a book with someone who actually knows what they're talking about. Losing so many friends within a 6 month period is just very confusing. But gaining a few more is definitely comforting. I have to stop being so condescending. I have to start thinking about other people's feelings. I have to get more sleep and eat less chocolate. That last part I'll start when the weather gets warmer. Until then, I need to eat chocolate to make things feel better. SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE SOON to make this year memorable in a good way. Not like last year when it was a mistake that I made to remember. just something.
Posted by Maleta at 10:07 p.m.