ok. so i refuse to be sorry, heh
So happy superbowl sunday, everyone. I didn't even know what teams were playing until yesterday. Boy, this weekend has been a weird one. How do people do it? I mean how do people stay in long-term relationships? I wasn't even in a relationship and I couldn't make it last. I guess it's because we really were only meant to be friends or SOMETHING. But guys don't like hearing that and then they wind up strongly disliking me for a little while. What am I supposed to do? Lie to myself AND him for a while longer and then just make it worse? Do people do that? Or are they just genuinely happy with each other? The whole thing just seems weird to me. I mean I have a definite commitment problem, obviously, but why shouldn't I? I'm 17, not 34. I have some growing up to do, that is definitely true. But now is the time to learn these things about yourself, when you are young and have plenty of time to either change or adjust to it. Not when you are 30 and have a kid or two.

The boys I was friends with for a few years made it a point to make me feel bad for how I've been throughout high school. Claiming that I was bitchy, selfish, and simply a "typical female." Now is the time to be selfish, though. And I'm not THAT selfish, or else I would have just pretended everything was great during numerous relationships when my heart wasn't really there. That would have been worse, at least that's how I see it. And I always wind up apologizing when I'm just being honest. Honesty should not have to always come with an apology. At least I am treating myself well, because when you look at it, not that many other people will. I am really thankful for the few friends I do have though. I know I am a handful! haha. January is always a crazy, crazy month.

Posted by Maleta at 12:59 p.m.