Sometimes with friends, you have so much fun with them that you forget that you used to and still do think negatively about them sometimes. These friends are the ones that are in your life for anywhere from a month to 3 years. Probably more if you see them on a day to day basis and don't have to put any effort into keeping your friendship alive. The friends who do last however, you still have negative feelings about, but almost always the positive ones shine through. I am quesitoning the strength of many relationships in my life right now from family to boyfriend and I am realizing that the key to ANY of them working out is the occasional fight and talk that comes after not talking about things for a while. Usually people who are close will go to drastic measures to avoid speaking honestly to one another if it may hurt the other, but if you do it rationally, it usually helps. There are bad things about everyone, and what one must realize is that YOU are part of everyone. When I get angry with something, I realize that I do stupid things, too, and would have no friends if they ditched me everytime I did something dumb. I can't be so quick to judge people as good or bad. My mother and I were discussing this last night and there is no one who is truly good or truly bad. What it comes down to, is will they listen to you when you need to talk? Will they put up with you when you are being an irrational bitch? Or when you are so self involved that you don't pay attention to them? My friends, the ones I consider true, including Matt, have done all of these things. For that, I love them.
Also, a lot of the times people choose to only see the good side of things and ignore any bad things. This helps, as long as it doesn't last forever, meaning that the good things better eventually seriously overtake the bad things so there are very few bad things there. I wanted a relationship where everythig starts out all story book and movie like, but I realize I don't have that. Matt wasn't even the same person now that he was when our relationship began. I have most definitely changed as well. I believe we have both changed for the better. As have most of my friends and I. People help people grow. But as things get good and get bad, one must always hope that things will get good again. This happens between people as with life itself. I have so much to say but it's not making as much sense as I'd hoped.
Tomorrow is the first day of graduation practice. Monday we graduate. I've been hanging out with Freda, Doug, and Kacy alot. Eleanor occasionally, and I hope more often in the near future. Matt and I see each other almost every day, and he's helping me see what can come from a relationship if I actually give it a chance. My thoughts have been so consumed by 'US' lately, that I've sort of forgotten about 'me'. Which is why I've been so unhappy, because I felt I couldn't rest unless 'we' were perfect. I realized today that we can't be perfect because neither one of us are perfect. I just know that I want to be with him inspite of any imperfections, and in a few cases because of them.
Whatever it is I was trying to say here, I am eternally grateful for my few true friends, and my family as well.
Posted by Maleta at 11:21 p.m.