have to keep in touch with myself.
I'm sitting here alone for the second night in a row. There haven't been too many nights by myself in quite some time unless there was a vacation of either mine or Matt's. I'm realizing that this is all ok. To be by myself. He's giving me space when I think I needed it most, but I didn't even have to ask for it because he needs it too.

I'm watching this movie for the second time, Kissing Jessica Stein, and it's like..I don't know. Last summer I was obsessed with lesbians. Was I one? Could I be one for a day or week or month? Bah. The beauty of being single is the curiousness which having no one allows you to have.

My body is surviving on mostly things like coffee cake because I am just too damn lazy to prepare anything. I need SOMETHING MORE. If it weren't for my mother's cooking I would never eat any other meat unless it was fast food. And that takes all the healthiness out of meat. I am still 15 pounds lighter than I was in March. I lost almost 20 pounds in a matter of a few months. My mother was convinced I was anorexic, the truth of the matter is that I still enjoy food, I just don't enjoy the preparation and I don't have the time to just freakin eat. And my body has gotten used to running on less, so every time I try to eat more it just doesn't work out. So. I should focus on eating 3 meals a day instead of numerous junk food snacks, but I'm not the only one my age that does this, right?

Ok just switched over to carrots and peanut butter to give myself some iota of health.

I am finding myself more and more thrilled about being out of high school. I will never be forced to do something that I hate so much again. I may hate my job in the future (LETS HOPE NOT OR ELSE I WILL LOSE IT) but at least I'd have the option of quitting or changing it without getting myself nowhere at the same time. Plus, I'd be getting paid. But anyway. College? I never looked forward to it. It was always this end in my mind. An end to this ridiculous mainstream pattern of growing up that must be accomplished, but it won't be bad like high school. There will be somewhat smart people there. I will (I better) feel like I am learning more there then I could on my own at home. So I'm not dreading September, I'm just putting it out of my mind so I can have some foolish fun with my rarely seen friends before we all head our own ways.

I will try to write regularly again. I will indeed.

Posted by Maleta at 11:44 p.m.