fights.
Today I worked 8-4, came home, tackled each of my 3 indoor cats while my mother applied more flea powder, jumped in the shower, threw some clothes on, went to dinner with kacy,talked a little loudly about things such as crazy sex on basement floors scaring patrons at adjacent table, walked to the park with aforementioned company, got in my car while matt called me up with a question sparking our argument for the evening, lost my car key, found it, continued argument with matt, got home, finally resolved argument (for the time being), and changed into pajamas. Here I am. There he is. At his home. When all I want to do right now is hug him.

I need a vacation from myself. One during which I can only observe others and enjoy the simple things in life. The simple things like really comfortable sheets, warm breezes, swingsets, and anticipation. I want to be able to deal with things when they go all wrong. I want to feel secure enough with myself to smile in the face of imperfections(mine, and everyone else's as well). I need to understand that the people I love can't always give me what I want or need, but that is no reason to stop loving them. "God" only knows that I don't provide those things for them, but I expect them to still love me.

Also, why isn't this something I can remember? :

Plans are what hinder my enjoyment of life a lot of the time. What makes one think that one would want to do something on Wednesday when it is only Saturday? Plans are only acceptable when you are making time for people you need to make time for. They are a necessary evil if you want to have a social life, but MAN if they get screwed up, a control-freak such as myself can surely lose it. I want to be laid back like the Dude in the Big Lebowski. That, my friends, is my ultimate goal.

I actually have a lot to say, but very little energy to say it with, so goodnight.

Posted by Maleta at 10:47 p.m.