i don't understand anything
I have decided what is wrong with me: I am reverse homesick. I stayed at home because I despise change. Everyone else left, proving my staying at home fruitless anyway since change occured regardless. I'm glad with my choice, I like being here and I am not ready to leave my family or anything like that, but nothing will ever be the same again. I can't just call up Kacy or Eleanor to discuss the mundane details of our lives because we are all just too busy. It's no one's fault, it just sucks that the only person I have to talk to on a regular basis is Matt, because it isn't fair to unload everything on him and it strains us. I'm so glad I get to see Doug every Friday because no matter what he can make me laugh, but sometimes I miss being able to see Matt everyday for as long as I want so much that I can hardly breathe. And then when we do finally see each other all I can do is complain about all of the time we CAN'T see each other. And it makes him upset and it makes me so sad I can't stand it, but I love him more than I ever thought was possible and it just hurts when everything doesn's just fall into place because it's supposed to. You have to work for it. And when there's nothing more you can do, you just let whatever happens happen, all the while feeling an emptiness inside of you because you're seperated from the one person who has gotten to know you the best in less than a year. And he didn't even move away! He's just not at my disposal anymore and it hurts. I'm selfish and childish but I can't help it.

College is really bizarre. Most of the day I'm left alone with only my thoughts because I only see people I know infrequently. Having only my thoughts is kind of nice because I don't have to put on any show of being nice to people I don't know; I'm simply left alone. No one cares if I care and it's great. All the professors are very stereotypical it's insane. The art history guy is this guy in his 40's or 50's who wears baggy chinos and button down colorful shirts that expose his chest. He's got blonde hair (maybe gray) and a gray beard and he is really charismatic. Just how I always pictured an art history professor to be. It's surreal. I really should go.

Posted by Maleta at 10:46 p.m.